Thursday, November 30, 2006
At this moment at this time at this epoch I feel like just the worst mother in world. How could I have hated thee so much, Jesus Christ! My own flesh and blood. Just a little baby swaddled in baby clothese sucking on thy mummy's pap and Papa the Pandera just a dim memory and your baby arms and your baby lips entreating milk and love and I the cruellest of all beings celeste so bereft of these things because I believed in war and I believe in dominion more than you and your beautiful baby face and I had you killed and I gave the order to hang you from that accursed tree and why because because of stupid shit because of sodomy and because of naughtiness and other things I don't really care about or at least shouldn't of and because your father was a rapist and a roman and satan but that didn't fall to you to you you were just a baby my baby and I hurt you and berated you and gave you know love and I did it because they loved you more than me and I could see it I could those masses waveing at you with their greeny palms and me just alone trying and prophesying and no one listening just like today no one heeds the hashishan and everyone hates her and loves you jesus christ it's probably because I am a fool and the worst bitch mother in the world but you little baby jesus christ I'm sorry and I'm sorry about this world I brought you into and I'm sorry about 2012 and I'm sorry I couldn't make the most beautiful strands of DNA like my dream or rebuild the heavens like my dream I've just been sleeping and dreaming these 2000 years and no one to love no little baby to hold in my arms they'll always love you more than me Jesus Christ at least you'll always have that.